tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Randomize
