DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
