I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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