Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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