Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He's on the porch naked. Help.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
