U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
