Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
