3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
