I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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