I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
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I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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