My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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