so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We named our party play list daddy issues
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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