I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
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Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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