Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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