my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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