Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
