It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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