and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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