So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
