Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
