Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
