I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize