I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
