I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
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Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
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ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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