then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
