Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
