He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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