Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Your penis caused this!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
