Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
