we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
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well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
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MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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