I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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