Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
