the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
