I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
