so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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