we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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