Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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