There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
