Umm I'm too high to move.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
