the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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