butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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