Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
