it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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