please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
