make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
