I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
