fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
