Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize