HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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