he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
