capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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