I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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