just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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