connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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