I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
