she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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