New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
