I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
