This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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