I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
