are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
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