it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
