it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
