Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
