I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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