who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
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making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
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So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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