your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
