She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
