PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
