Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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