i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
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I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize