Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
