Umm I'm too high to move.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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