she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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