I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
