i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
