see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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