So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
