I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
