I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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